Dialogue at the Table: Reflecting on metamorphosis

Life rarely follows a straight path. Instead, it unfolds in cycles of transformation, we shed old skins and discover new aspects of ourselves. Looking back, I can see how I matured from a young woman cycling through Amsterdam to a mother and writer and that it happened with a series of meaningful events. Each change prepared me for the next, though I couldn't see it at the time. Now, in my mid thirties , I find myself on the verge of another metamorphosis and one of the meaningful events leading up to it now is Dialogue at the Table.

The first shift

In my twenties I served coffee as a barista. When I had the first shift, I would wake up at 5am and cycle for 30 minutes through the streets of Amsterdam, along empty and silent canals. The dread of waking up so early was replaced with gratitude for this intimate moment with the city. As romantic and dreamy as I can be, I always felt that in this silence I could hear my intuition loud and clear. Having a family, a house and a career in writing was destined for me. But I could not fathom how to ever get there, from where I was.

One morning, while setting up the terrace, I checked my phone: 05:55. I had recently dabbled in numerology (a side quest for a hot minute), and triple five supposedly signified change. Every time I caught a glimpse of that number during my early shifts, I envisioned myself as a mother and hoped the universe was reassuring me that it would happen. Not long after, my boyfriend and I adopted Lizzy, our dog. With her, I felt love in its purest form. Love without the blur of lust or dependency, just the deep appreciation for another life. She felt like my baby, and in caring for her, I became more nurturing. Mother-like even.

Now I see how the dots connected, though at the time, I only saw scattered pieces. Mere months after Lizzy's arrival, I quit my job as a barista to write more. I let go of what I thought I had to do and tried what I wanted to do, writing and photography. In the slowness of that period, something shifted. Two months later, I was pregnant and an actual, visible metamorphosis took place. Motherhood became my primary role, not just in my own experience, by the definition of others too. It reshaped everything. There’s no rulebook for it, yet somehow us parents create a life where this new identity fits perfectly. Almost as if it had always been this way. That’s when my metamorphosis finalized.

Dialogue at the Table: Metamorphosis

Now, I find myself at another turning point, not as grand as becoming a mother, but still significant. The only problem? I don’t know where I’m turning to. .

Journaling and meditating on it didn’t bring me clarity, so I turned to the people closest to me. On the anniversary of Dialogue with Self, my journal, I hosted a conversational dinner Dialogue at the Table. Instead of reflecting alone, I wanted to explore ideas with others. I wrote down a few questions, hoping they would spark insights, not just for me, but for everyone at the table.

Something beautiful happened that evening. Friends who barely knew each other found true connection over shared stories and unexpected perspectives. Honest conversations filled the room. We laughed, some cried. I realized how much I had longed for this: real dialogue, unfiltered and open.

That night, I knew I had to do it again. I decided to host another Dialogue at the Table, with different guests and a new theme. I recognized that creating temporary, intimate communities is part of the metamorphosis I’m undergoing now. Where it will lead, I have no idea. But if my twenties taught me anything, it’s that one day, in hindsight, the dots will connect.

If you’re interested in joining a Dialogue at the Table, I’d love to tell you more. You can also find me on Instagram.

Love always,