Conversations with friends: motherhood and ambitions
Conversations with my friends usually follow a familiar pattern. We talk about work, love, and the latest happenings in life before diving into the real stuff. As we guide our children through the maze of the playground, we discuss how to make our dreams work. Becoming a mother doesn’t necessarily change your ambitions or interests, but it does reshape your relationship with them. I used to love writing about fashion, pop culture, and the philosophy behind it. When I became a mother, that focus shifted naturally to writing about motherhood and finding balance through self-care. These subjects felt far more pivotal than choosing which type of dress shoe to add to my wardrobe. Exploring motherhood became vital, not just for my children but for my sense of self. I needed to understand motherhood to figure out where I stopped and where it (motherhood) began.
I quickly learned the importance of being intentional about creating space and time for the essentials in my life: friendships, hobbies, and self-care. Too often, I forget how essential they are to my identity and well-being. Thankfully, my friends hold me accountable in their soft ways, encouraging me to dedicate energy and time to the things I truly value. They remind me of an often-neglected part of myself, a dreamy enthousiast, who runs with new ideas before fully thinking them through. Sure, a woman who dreamed of motherhood above all else but also alongside a dynamic career I believed I would one day achieve.
At the playground my friend and I got to talking about the pursuit of our ideas and ambitions. As creative types, we both have plenty ideas, but the real challenge is turning them into reality. We may have the most perfect ideas in our heads, but when it comes to execution, everything falls apart. While debating what we could do to improve, we found three main 'obstacles' for which I later on researched and curated proven solutions.
Perfectionism
If your mind is as fast as ours, you will immediately have the most perfect end result of your idea in mind. Inspired by online images or role models, you aim for a result that is unattainable for a beginner. Knowing what you want may have set the bar too high in the first place, as every start needs refinement over time. Sometimes the disappointment of the outcome of the first draft is paralysing. To improve your first effort, you can ask someone close to you for feedback or ideas on the matter. Secondly, jumping straight to the final result makes the task too overwhelming. A proven technique for this is to break down a project into smaller tasks, it’s the method I used to create the journal.
Self-actualisation
If you are prone to people pleasing or have a tendency to focus on the needs of those around you, carving out time to benefit only yourself feels uneasy. Yet, it is a very healthy practice of self-care. It helps you to stay in touch with your needs and helps with regulation and balance. Things that would’ve been normal to you before becoming a mother, can now feel as taking up too much space. Shopping for yourself, or getting a massage, going on a holiday with friends instead of your family or doing a course to pick up a new skill. Eventhough this will elevate your energy levels and rebalance your nervous system, you might feel guilty even think about it. As far as I found in books and experiences of other mothers, embracing multitudes is the sweet spot in pursuing your dreams. Yes, you might feel gut wrenching guilt doing things all by yourself for yourself, you might also feel you don’t want this alone time to ever stop. These realities can co-exist, and as it seems, in motherhood they almost always do.
Community
Especially before the routine of working on your idea has set in, you need people who lift you up and see the possibilities. Some friends are great at holding a vision when you can’t yet connect the dots, or when the steps to execution feel overwhelming. When you’re ready, share your ideas with your supportive friends. The soft ones are those who cheer you on and instill confidence. Save the critical thinkers for later, their perspectives will be invaluable in the final stages. You can also use social media to hold yourself accountable. By sharing your ideas online, you’re bringing them into virtual reality, I've always considered this a helpful first step.
Lastly, find an actual community. I hope It’s a Dialogue can serve as this soft community. Share your ideas or ambitions—whether it’s getting in shape, improving your health, or learning a new skill. Whatever “new” thing you’re trying to balance with motherhood, career, or personal growth, I’m here for it! This spring, I’ll be hosting another Dialogue at the Table around this theme. If you feel inspired to join, send me a message on Instagram or an email.
Love always,
